FUEGO! FUEGO!

As you can tell from my expressions, I've had about enough of my smoke detector going off when there is in fact... NO SMOKE...and NO FIRE! I've had many run-ins with Mr. Detector in the past...please refer to Incident #1. I'm not a gourmet chef...I'm not burning up meals in the kitchen...in fact I rarely use my oven due to the fact that the top wire heating thingamajiggy is busted, making anything you cook in there burnt on the bottom and barely cooked on the top. If I DO cook something in there its little snacks...like pizza rolls...or broiled hamsters...you know, just the typical snacks. ANYWAY before I go on to mention anything else let me just tell you the brilliant design of my apartment...the one and only smoke detector is located about 2 feet from my stove, and is approximately on a diagonal 5 foot line from the top of the oven to the ceiling. This is very inconvenient, especially due to the fact that the detector is so FREAKIN SENSITIVE to any form of heat/steam/slight shift in air current/you name it. In order to remove anything from the stove (if I should dare to use it), I have to open and close the oven door pulling out whatever is in there in about half a second otherwise the thing goes off...I manage to put a little extra time into that half a second by taking my other hand and waving paper/oven mitts/books vigorously at the ceiling to FOOL the detector. This of course rarely works and I usually end up burning my arm or setting off the alarm because its too much for one person to handle. The neighbors must think I'm constantly setting off fires in my apartment because it goes off so often.

Now...I know what you're saying to yourself...Sarah...why in god's name don't you just TAKE OUT THE BATTERY in the smoke detector...DUHHHH! Well my dear friends, that would be because the damned thing is HARD WIRED...no battery! No way to shut the thing off!! ITS TORTURE!! WHAT GENIUS THOUGHT THIS UP!? Hello...they couldn't have put it maybe in the BEDROOM!? Or at least in a location that isn't directly above a STOVE that gives off HEAT!?

So now get this...just when I think I've figured out the trick to handling this smoke detector...I decide yesterday to pull out this air-popcorn popper thing that I bought a long time ago but never actually used. Its small....its hot air...nothing too dangerous, it barely gives off any visible signs of trouble. My popcorn starts popping...*pop*popopop*...and then *EEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!* That would be shrill scream of the smoke detector. I'm like WTF!?!?! THERES NO SMOKE! THERES BARELY ANY HOT AIR!!! IM BARELY MAKING ANY POPCORN WHY ARE YOU BEING SO DIFFICULT!!!? *EEEEeeeEEEEEEeeeEEEEE* One of these days i'm going to take a metal bat to that damned thing to shut it up for good. I'd snip a wire or something but I don't think I want to electrocute myself, and what happens if there really IS a fire!? I'm a prisoner in my own home!! All I have to do is breath hot air at it and it goes off. Hellllp meeeeeee