Run for your lives!! RUN!!

Is it a bird?? No. Is it a PLANE?!? No. WELL WHAT THE HELL IS IT!? Its King Kong held up inside the body of a pudgy neon pink shirted "yes we can see your rolls" crazy woman on the beach!!! This picture describes yesterday's scene at the beach very accurately...see the little people on the tree clinging to life...picture those people as little children....roughly between the ages of 6 and 13. They're on an expedition, to collect and gather rocks, shells, anything of interest they can possibly find on the beach! Its a gorgeous day, they are having fun, and traipsing around together. Suddenly off in the distance...almost inaudible...came a shout. The kids turned around... one said "I think someone's calling us"...but being kids they totally kept walking and exploring as any young blooded child will do when placed in the great outdoors! The voice started to get closer....finally Miss V. (whom accompanied me to the beach!) and I could hear it was a woman's voice, or a bear's...one or the other. We look over to see some crazy neon form approaching...the kids finally realize this beast is calling them. "GETTT OVVAAAAA HEEEEEEEEAAAAAAEEE!!! NOWWWW!!!ROWWWRRRR!" Miss V. and I know this woman is none too happy having walked after these kids for a few hundred yards, its probably the most exercise she's seen in years. With little regret or qualms the youngest goes running back toward the woman first. This woman yells "EMILY YOUR MOTHA'S GONNA KICK YER ASSSSSSS!!" The other kids quickly obey and run over. But since the youngest...about 6...little blonde hair skinny thing... got there first she reaped the wrath...this crazy lady SLAPS this tiny girl clear across the face. I didn't see it but Miss V. did and quickly relayed the horrific event. The little girl just held her face. We weren't even sure if that was HER child! The Neon Wonder continued to berate and curse out all of the kids "you're F*ing stupid!! #$%$@ WHAT THE F*** do you think you're DOING!..."...she wanted to slap one of the little boys too but he knew better and resisted going closer. I WISH TO HEAVEN we'd have said something. It was all just too shocking to see such a grotesque scene being played out. All we could do was stare in disbelief that such a revolting human being could even exist. WHO slaps a small child clear across the face, and curses every last one of them out when they're barely even teenagers!? Especially those who aren't even your own! They all finally wandered back to the other side of the beach. Miss V and I packed up to leave...we were secretly hoping to run into Neon out in the parking lot to work her over real good. She wasn't there. Pity. However on the way back to the parking lot we passed two other young boys who were cursing up a storm...they were probably barely 13. What has happened to today's youth? Everywhere I turned yesterday there were all these fat little kids cursing like sailors....or fat adults cursing like sailors. Show a little respect for yourself.

This reminds me of someone...

laugh with me

The Vote Is In...You Suck...

I wasn't aware this morning when I boarded the 7:18am out of Smithtown that there would be an American Idol hopeful aboard. Let me first give you a little background of my situation and state of mind...
The LIRR was experiencing a systemwide breakdown of all of their ticket machines (terrorists!! it must be the terrorists!!!) since yesterday. I was unable to get a ticket yesterday morning for the 6:39...then last night trying to catch the 5:38 home there was about a 2 hour wait to buy a ticket...every one and their grandmother was waiting for a machine, and the lines wrapped all through the terminal and up the stairs and around the corner. Ridiculous!! So I try to get a ticket last night in Smithtown...no deal, still not working. I'm getting annoyed...I figure, oh they'll fix it this morning...wronnnng. Still not working. Yesterday morning I got away w/having no ticket...on the way home they weren't as forgiving and charged me $15. Flustered and aggravated I boarded the 7:18am once again with no ticket this morning. It was then that I took a seat (unaware) behind this one woman. I barely noticed her. All I could see was that her feet were up on the seat across from her and her shoes look like they belonged to a 5 year old. (Not because of their small size, but because of their ridiculous design that looked like crayons had thrown up all over them).
The train leaves the station...and thats when I hear it...a low hum...is it a tune...is it music... what is it that I hear..??? "unnnnntaaaaCOOOO cinnnnnnqueeeentoooooo!" At first I thought she maybe was talking on her phone. Then I thought maybe she had a child w/her...then I thought maybe I'm losing my mind...until I realized...the woman was singing. On an early morning train!! There are 3 unspoken rules of the LIRR:
1) If you have to use your cell phone...do not use it for longer than a minute, do not: speak loudly; argue; shout; uncover personal life secrets about yourself for everyone to hear; and certainly don't tell yo' momma off over the phone in public.
2) If you are sitting next to someone and two seats near you become empty and readily available, that is your CUE to move swiftly away from the seat you are in. The other person won't take it as an offense if you move, it will give them room and space and they will not secretly curse you for not moving under their breath.
and finally:
3) On peak hour morning trains there is: NO TALKING (whisper!)...and by god there should never under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES BE ANY SINGING OF ANY KIND!!!.
Perhaps it wouldn't have been so bad, if she actually had a mildly adequate singing voice... but no, every note this woman hit was off key and BAD! People around her started fleeing the area it was so bad. One guy got on at Northport sat down across from her...2 minutes later she started singing and the fear that came into that man's eyes....lets just say he'll never be the same again. He got up and ran ...god knows where. It was so bad at one point that I was one note away from dumping my hot coffee over her head. Then two people (two brave souls) boarded the train and sat down across the aisle from her....she was silent for a moment. As soon as the train started she started singing (it was all in Spanish I have no idea what she was singing)... the two people looked over at her incredulously and the one woman burst out laughing quite loudly (That is one rule you can break...if something is really stupid and ridiculous, you can burst out laughing in hopes that the offender will feel embarassed and shutup, however it didnt work with this winner.) I have to admit it was pretty hilarious. No one dared sit next to her, everytime they did she'd burst into a tune "Seeeeeeeeee tuuuuulllaaaaammmoooooooOOOO, ayyyyyyyyy ellllll tieeemmpppppppiiiooooo!!" She hit one note really loudly at one point...it was so loud that I could hear it over my own music. The woman across the aisle looked at me almost as if to say "give me a shotgun...do it...now...ill make it look like a suicide trust meeeeeeee." Thank god the Tuneless Wonder got off halfway through the journey or someone would have shot her for sure. Surprising no one told her to shutup. I was partially aggravated and partially amused, it was better than Cable TV!