No Bagel For You!!

I love New York City, I really do. Despite it's overpopulation, it's noisy streets, its funky smells, it's a great place to be. Unfortunately New Yorkers often get a reputation for being overbearing, rude, obnoxious, pushy and stupid. ENTER, the woman in the Cafe this morning. I go downstairs because I am madly (and I mean MADLY) craving a bagel with cream cheese! I go traipsing down around the corner to my favorite place...the food isn't that great...the service isn't always the best...but the people there know me! And they always fix my coffee just right (unless the one girl mixes it!) So it's a little joint I like to hang my hat, put a few bucks out, and get a tummy filler for a few hours. It wasn't crazy busy in there today, but the main cook seemed to have his hands full with wrapping up someones egg combo thingamajig, so being the polite country mouse that I am I wait for him to finish what he's doing (because honestly there is not a man alive who can seriously multi-task!). This woman...who could stand to lay off Yohoo and Ring Dings for a day...comes in and barks some incomprehensible language whilst looking in my direction. I say "Pardon?" Perhaps she was polishing off that ring ding the first time she spoke, because I could understand her a little better this time around... "DID YOU ORDER OR WHAT?" I felt like saying, "Or what BAH HAH!" But I was uncertain of her predatory instincts and whether or not she might pounce and literally EAT ME right then and there in the cafe. I say "Not yet," upon which, she forms a gaze at me like I have just mutated into some liquidous blobby substance and sprouted antennae. Clearly she cannot understand why anyone would not have barked their order at the kitchen staff yet. You can see it is taking every ounce of fiber in her being to not jump ahead on line and scream out... "GIVE ME 5 GALLONS OF YOOHOO OR THIS MUFFIN STAND GETS IT!!!!" The girl at the register then says to me "You pay! I take you! You pay!" At first I wasn't sure WHERE it was she wanted to take me or why I'd have to pay, she really wasn't someone I wanted to be spending any quality time with...then I realized she meant I could prepay for what I was about to order. I thought perhaps she was going to make my bagel for me...so I say "Ok!" And I proceed to give her the buck 25 for the bagel, wihch she takes and puts in the register, and then just stands there looking at me. Okay so I guess you're NOT going to make my bagel. Why did I just pay you!! MEANWHILE back in Ring Ding Land, this lady doesn't waste half a second of my stepping over to pay for my NON-ORDERED bagel...she shouts out "I WANT TWO BAGELS, ONE PLAIN ONE SESAME...LIGHTLY...I SAID LIGHTLY TOASTED! WITH BUTTER AND CREAM CHEESE!" My thought..."Lightly toasted pfffffhhh....yeah why don't you lightly toast your ass over there in the corner STAY-PUFT!!!" She gives me a little look like "She who hesitates....LOSES THE BAGEL!" Pushy New Yorker...pfff. Rude as anything. I got the last laugh though...the guy handed me my bagel and I BOLTED! I was out of there before her and her lightly toasted self even had a chance to say "Supersize that!" Seeing as how I pre-paid and all... therefore the moral of this story...Patience will get you out of the cafe before the fat lady can.